When it rains in India

Most parts of India have got their first monsoon showers. The people there are done with going crazy about pehli baarish. However, rains can mean different things to different people, depending on lots of factors.

If Bobby Deol’s Barsaat is the first thing that comes to your mind when it rains, you are as jobless as him. Look around if you can see a Kent purifier shining in your kitchen and an alcoholic oldie trying to suck blood out of your dog’s body because the answer to every question is Kutte, main tera khoon pi jaaunga.

If you stay in Mumbai, rains are as terrible as a natural catastrophe. You are probably adept at anticipating rejection from 87563235512 auto rickshaw guys for plying to Andheri East because your accident policy doesn’t cover you for death by miraculously disappearing into potholes while walking. The local municipal authorities feel that the best they can do to solve the water-logging problems is to put up a board that says ‘Caution: Water-logging area.’ By the time you manage to reach home at 1:00 am, you sincerely pray to God that it rains so heavily that there is no office the day after. If at all there is office, you decide not to take a bath because you rely on Reliance for a shower in the metro.

If rains make you romantic, you might be a loyal Saffola consumer with a young heart.  You still have unparalleled faith in the power of love or you are simply waiting to get laid. You might not have to go through the horrors of travelling to work every day which is the reason why you feel a book + coffee + rains + sitting by the window + smell of the rain makes a perfect quadratic equation. Good for you.

If rains make you rush to the terrace/balcony for collecting the dried clothes, my heart goes out for you. You have been caught in the vicious circle of married life. You are extra careful about not bringing in mud with your shoes when you step inside. With the onset of monsoon, the cloth lines miraculously shift from the balconies to the interiors of your home.

 

If rains make you feel nostalgic in a sad way, it is quite likely that you had a failed relationship in the past. You can sit at home, turn off all the lights (if you are lucky enough to have power) and listen to the most depressing ghazals and guzzle some rum from a steel glass.

If you rush to grab a plate of fried oily snacks when it rains, you are a Gujju by heart. Your belly is large enough to rest a plate full of hot pakoras & green chutney. You take pride in having a big belly because it simply reflects how prosperous you are. What more, you are even able to maneuver your car merely with your belly as it rubs against the steering wheel.

If you are staying in an area that draws electricity from the state electricity board’s naked overhead cables, keep candles handy. The electricity board will drop the switch immediately when the first line carrying the current gets wet, and shall resume the power only when the last line carrying the current has dried off.

If you feel like going on a long drive when it rains, you are lucky enough to be born/staying in a city with good roads, or you might have inherited a healthy wealth from your ancestors which makes it easy for you to barter gold for petrol. The TATA sky connection at your home has anyways stopped functioning even before the meteorological department’s website was updated with a rain forecast, so no use staying at home.

If you have an intense desire to fabricate and float paper boats in the puddles of water which may later on become breeding mansions for the mosquitoes, you are either a child, or there is a child in you (no, not pregnant) or you are an adult unlucky enough to do this stuff as a kid.

While we are laughing away at this, let us have a moment of silence for Vishwa Bandu Gupta’s cloud CD which might be at the risk of losing all its data due to the storms and rains. (Ref: Vishwabandhu Gupta - Cloud Computing)

Last but not the least, watch out for your friends updating their Facebook statuses as: “I love walking in the rain, coz….” Unfriend them without a second thought.

I shall take your leave now because a high quality video of Tip Tip Barsa Paani with the Yellow Sari clad Raveena Tandon has fully buffered and is ready to be played.